we all have that one friend, pt. 2.

it's been a little over a year since i wrote the first "we all have that one friend…" post, and i can say with confidence that it's all still 100% true, and that i - as always - am right.

but a lot has happened over the course of a year and some change - graduated from college, employment (and unemployment), new city, alladat.  needless to say, i've gained some friends, lost some friends, and learned that we all have the same struggles when it comes down to your friends, usually in a face that looks like - 

for example, we all have that one friend who…

is always on his/her alleged "grind."

i like to think i surround myself with like-minded people: smart, ambitious, driven, etc.  but there's always one in the group who constantly has to remind us of how hard they're grinding.  this friend is the one who tweets "#RiseAndGrind" at like…11am. i got news for you: we have all risen and the grind has been ground, so catch up.  this person is allegedly always about his money, yet never has any.  which leads me to the next type of friend, who…

is always broke!

now i know the broke struggle - we all do at some point or another.  but most of us know when we can and can't spend money.  this particular friend has champagne tastes with a water budget, and is always trying to get you to "go in" on something - and by "go in," they mean "you pay for it now and i'll get you later." and by "get you later," they mean never.  this type of friend has several subclassifications:

1. the friend who never tips at restaurants - as if it's not challenging enough to deal with the broke friend's exorbitant tastes and empty pockets, this friend usually has the nerve to not tip their servers. unless there are extreme circumstances with your serving situation, this should NEVER happen. ever.  their usual excuse is "this is their job! why should i tip them for doing their job?" that's a sign that you may end up paying more than your share for dinner, and your cue to exit, stage left.
2. the friend who says he's/she's broke, but really isn't - now i'll admit, this is me sometimes.  to me, "broke" means i don't have extra money to spend comfortably.  
3. the friend who says he's/she's broke, but always has new (and expensive) things - you know this friend; the one who asks you to take them somewhere, can't give you gas money, but manages to swing a shopping spree a couple hours later.
4. the friend who tries to keep up with the joneses, but ends up like the evanses - "excuse me, ma'am? i'm sorry, your card was declined." need i say more?

and once you pay for this friend's bill, it's revealed that you have that one friend who…

is a straight-up hater.

i really don't like using that word, mostly because it's abused so much by those who have done absolutely nothing worthy of earning "haters," but i digress.  this friend is never happy for you, never congratulatory - nunnadat.  for example, when i got my new job and was preparing for my move to california, mostly everyone was really supportive.  but there was that one MFer (sorry, grandma) who said things like "why you going all the way to california for a job?" and "you know it's expensive to live out there, right?" or my favorite, "you ain't got no friends or family out there - you gon' be all by yourself."  gee thanks, "homie."

these types of friends probably can't be happy for you because they're probably those friends who…

is always miserable.

similar to the hater, these friends are never happy for themselves.  they ALWAYS have something going on, to the point where you never want to ask how they're doing, because you know you're about to get the most depressing tale since adele's 21.  and because these feelings are extremely contagious (also like adele's 21 - have you all in your feelings and you ain't even in the situation), you have that one friend who…

you can only tolerate in bits and pieces.

there can be several reasons for this, but it's usually because this friend is too much of some extreme: too hype, too lazy, too ignorant, too conceited, too loud - whatever the case may be.  you usually have the occasional urge to hang out with this friend, but soon into your time together, you realize exactly why it's been 2-3 months since y'all last hung out.

*searches for positivity in this less-than-flattering post*

ah, found it.

each of these friends is a reminder of how you should act: the grinder reminds you to stay humble, let your work speak for itself; brokey mcbrokester reminds you to spend wisely and within your means; the hateful magee reminds you that being a supportive friend is equally as important as having supportive friends; the miser is a glaring reminder to appreciate the little things (like waking up every morning); and mr. every-blue-moon is there to remind you…um…wait, i can do this…

…ok, come back to me on that one.

live long and prosper, kids. and don't annoy your friends.